Great Leaders are Grateful
Eleven years ago, Brittany, my fourteen-year-old daughter, passed away while
waiting for a heart transplant. Losing a child is one of life’s toughest challenges. Parents can never be prepared to
effectively deal with the loss. About three months after Brittany’s passing, my wife Kathleen dragged me to a grief
group where parents who had also experienced the loss of a child gathered to offer hope and support to each other. It
was at this grief group that I was given a life changing lesson in gratitude.
When it was my turn to speak, I shared with the group, “There is nothing in
life worse than losing a child.” Most of the parents nodded their heads in agreement with the exception of the man
sitting next to me. This man, through tears and a broken voice, said, “Yes. There is something in life worse than
losing a child. Losing two children is worse.” He went on to tell the group that he lost one child in an auto accident
and another child through suicide. As we drove home that night, I told Kathleen that from this point forward, I need to
focus on being genuinely grateful for what I do have.
There is a lot of research to support the value of being grateful for the
people and things in your life. Sonia Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at UC Riverside, shares in her book, The How
of Happiness, that people who are grateful have been found to be relatively happier, hopeful, helpful, forgiving and
energetic when compared to those who are less disposed to gratefulness.
So how does being grateful relate to great leaders? In recent videos
and articles, we have shared the point that leaders may or may not have a title
and/or position of authority. What all great leaders do have in common is the ability to build a relationship where
others want to willingly follow them. Think about it. It’s very likely that the people you enjoy being around and
following are people who value you and are grateful that you are in their life. As a leader, the more grateful you are,
the chances are, the more people there will be who want to willingly follow you.
The following eight tips will help you further along the great leadership path
by being even more grateful.
- Be genuinely grateful.
Telling someone you are grateful
for them in your life is a lot like saying, “I love you.” People can tell when you genuinely mean it, and they can also
tell when a leader is doing or saying something because it is part of the job description. If you are not genuine and
don't believe it in your heart, these eight tips will most likely not work. People don’t follow leaders who are not
authentic.
- Make a personal gratitude list.
On a daily basis, list the things in
your personal life for which you have genuine gratitude. This may include things like your physical health, your
significant other, family, your home, your job, your financial stability, your spiritual relationship and your friends.
See if you can come up at least twenty people or things in your personal life for which you are grateful.
- Make a business gratitude list.
List the people and
things on the business side of your life for which you are grateful. This could include team members, internal and external
customers, clients and even challenges or obstacles to overcome.
- Be specific.
It’s nice to tell your significant other you
are grateful that he or she is in your life. It is even better to tell him or her specifically why you are so grateful
for them. With your team, you may even have people start a meeting by telling other team members one specific
reason they are grateful for another team member’s contribution.
- Say or write thank you.
In 1996, Jane and I
wrote a book titled The Competent Leader. Our parents, now almost
90 years old, thought a better title would have been Grandma was Right. Grandmas know the importance of manners. Saying
please and thank you go a long way in the world of leadership. When someone gives you a gift, it's polite to thank them.
When you express gratitude, you indirectly tell people that they have given you a gift and that you are grateful for
what they have done for you.
- Stop complaining.
The only people who have no problems are
dead people. This past Thanksgiving, we made lunches and delivered them to homeless people on the streets of San Diego.
As I gave one man his lunch and ice tea, I said, “God bless you.” This man, with all his possessions in a grocery cart
replied, “With people like you who bring me food to eat, God does bless me.” There is always someone out there who has
it worse off than you do. Complaining seldom helps change your situation.
- Live one level below your means.
It is hard to be
grateful when you are trying to live a life that is over your head and ability to financially support the lifestyle.
Focusing on what you want or don’t have tends to lead to unhappiness. Be grateful for what you do have.
- Volunteer.
Giving others your time, talents and treasures
is a great way to tell them, both directly and indirectly, that you value them and are grateful that they are a part of
your life.
Put these eight tips into practice and you will be walking the path with other
great leaders who know that leadership is all about building relationships where others choose to willingly follow
you.
For many businesses, this past decade has been filled with some exciting moments, as well as some rough patches. We want to let you, our clients, know that we appreciate you and have enjoyed working with each and every one of you throughout the last two decades. As we look forward into the new year, and the new decade, we wait with anticipation for all that is to come. New friendships. New partnerships. New opportunities to do what we love to do while helping other businesses. Thank you and happy holidays!
Need
help? Peter Barron Stark Companies has been
building organizations where employees love to
come to work and customers love to do
business for more than twenty years.
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www.peterstark.com, contact us via email,
peter@pbsconsulting.com or call us toll free,
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