Great Leaders Are Great Listeners

When we ask participants in seminars why it is important to listen, the responses almost always relate to the need to gain accurate information from employees. That is correct, but it is only a small part of the reason why it is important to listen. A greater concern to a leader should be that their employees truly believe that their leader cares about them. One way to say that you truly care about employees and value their opinions is by listening to them with undivided attention. The following tips will help you to listen more accurately and convey the feeling to others that you really do care about them and value their opinions. Listening involves not only hearing the speaker's words, but also understanding the message and its importance to the speaker, and then communicating that understanding to the speaker.

Following these eight guidelines will improve your listening ability...

1. Develop an attitude of wanting to listen.

Being a good listener starts with a positive attitude toward listening. If you are not in the right frame of mind for listening, you will miss valuable information. Even if you do not feel like listening, remember that you can always learn something from everyone and that listening is a critical component to establishing trusting relationships. Good leaders always want to listen because they know the value of continuous learning. They also know that you cannot continue to learn if you do not listen.

2. Reschedule a conversation if you cannot give it your undivided attention.

If you are unable to devote yourself to listening, for whatever reason, tell the speaker that you are unable to fully listen to him or her at this time. However, because you want to give your undivided attention, you would like to reschedule the conversation. Most people are more than willing to reschedule. In addition, many people will be impressed with your honesty and with the fact that you care enough to set aside time for them. When you do actually meet with the speaker, make sure to eliminate all distractions and give your full attention.

3. Focus your attention on understanding the other person's meaning, not on formulating your response.

A good listener is "other-focused" rather than "self-focused." Your goal is to understand the other person. To do this, give your undivided attention, ask questions for clarification, and check your perceptions for understanding. Focusing your attention on the speaker will also help you to listen without interrupting.

4. Show the speaker that you are listening by using "attending skills."

A critical part of the listening process is letting the speaker know that you are interested and that you are attending to his or her message. These are some of the attending skills you could use:

a. Maintain eye contact to show interest and to observe the speaker.
b. Lean forward slightly to communicate concern and to better
comprehend the message.
c. Come out from behind a desk or any other physical barrier.
d. Nod your head to indicate understanding.
e. Smile when the speaker uses humor.
f. Allow for pauses--don't feel you have to fill the space with your words while the other person needs time to collect his or her thoughts.

5. Use open-ended questions to open up communication.

Open-ended questions facilitate the conversation and provide an invitation to respond back and forth. They also let the other person know that his or her thinking is important to you. Open-ended questions cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. These kind of questions begin with words like "tell me," "what," "how," "explain," and "describe."

6. Use paraphrasing to ensure understanding.

A paraphrase is a brief rephrasing of the speaker's words. Paraphrase by restating the speaker's information in your own words. Paraphrasing shows the speaker that you are listening and that you understand what he or she has said. It also ensures that your interpretation of the message is correct.

Examples:
"You think the XYZ program is not a good idea because..."
"It sounds like your major concerns on this project are..."

7. Use reflective statements to ensure your understanding of the speaker's feelings.

Reflective statements are short declarative statements that reflect the speaker's feelings or emotions without indicating agreement or disagreement. The purpose of reflecting is to let the speaker know that you understand how he or she feels about a particular topic or issue. Reflecting helps to establish rapport with the speaker as well as providing an opportunity for the speaker to simply vent or "let off steam."

Examples:
"You're excited about this opportunity to work with the new software."
"You seem worried about not being able to make the schedule."

8. Summarize conversations to ensure understanding and provide closure.

A summary statement is a concise restatement of the key points discussed during a lengthy conversation. The summary brings the conversation to a close. It may also include a recap of specific actions or agreements made during the conversation.

Examples:
"It seems that we agree that the project has gotten off track and that we will
take the following steps to correct the situation..."
"As I understand it, you feel that we should bring the marketing people in on
this proposal. As we discussed, I will contact them and set up a meeting for
next week to discuss their involvement."

© Peter Barron Stark & Associates